I have so many blogs everywhere that I decided to make this one a bit more personal in nature. Maybe one day my kids will find it and glean wisdom from my experience in the here and now, thick of it all.
So today I am being reminded just how hard being a mom can be. I seek to be a compassionate person to everyone, especially my children. I was explaining to a friend earlier that when my children do something that we deem the utmost disrespect, we should not levy consequences on them that we wouldn't give everyone, including ourselves.
It is not necessarily easy for me to take the compassionate road. I really would like to scream and rage at my kids some days because I feel like they don't see the big picture of me giving my all to them. They are with me so much that I am just this big bad presence to them. I say YES and they automatically say NO.
I get worn out. Right now, I am being reminded that homeschooling is not easy. I don't quite see how kids learn in school. It seems to be a miracle because to get these kids to learn in this small group setting of two at times.
For all of my unschool friends out there, unschooling is not an option for my family. My husband is not down with that and so I have to do structured schooling with my kids. I will say that I value unschooling AND structured schooling. I think both are good for kids and my kids have both to a large extent.
Anyway, my point of this writing is that I wish I could get my kids to see NOW that I only do what I do because it is what we need to do right now. I hope and pray that my kids see that though I was not perfect, what I have done for them is what I thought was best. I hope that they thank me for insisting that we go ahead and learn time tables when they hated every second of it. I started them late in learning most everything in order to wait for their brain to develop so they could learn it quickly.
I have changed curricula multiple times to hopefully find a way for them to learn that is enjoyable though they see it as unnecessary at times.
I was glad when my older son started to appreciate what we are learning. He has resisted lots of what I thought was good for him. I don't want my kids to be limited. I don't want to miss windows of learning that are only open while they are young and so as a homeschooling mother, I have drug them through some learning opportunities just for the experience....I hope that they one day say, thank you, or at least that they appreciate the fact that i cared enough to try to do something good for their minds, their spirits.
Anyway, this is really a blog that is coming at a moment when I want to scream but refuse to because it will only make things worse. I just needed to have a pity party that I could end at will. I am done. I feel better. Back to being a mom. Giving thanks.
